Ever stop to think about what you don’t have to think about?
I used to get bad migraines. If I pushed myself too hard and didn’t listen to the signals when the dull headache emerged, I’d soon be in excruciating pain and violently ill. The headaches would last maybe 4-5 hours, and during the height of the agony, I remember thinking, “If I can just feel better, I will certainly be grateful for feeling good and not EVER take that for granted!” But just as is often the case with most temporary struggles, once I was on the other side of the pain, the memory would quickly fade, and I’d forget to be grateful for every single moment I didn’t feel bad. It seems it’s human nature. We don’t think about what we don’t have to think about.
The past year brought into awareness for many white people the fact that it’s a privilege to not have to think about race all the time. I’m married to a Black man, and I’m ashamed to admit that prior to 2020, I wasn’t fully aware of how privileged I am as a white person. It’s not that I get afforded special circumstances or get treated any particular discernible way, it’s because of what I don’t have to think about or deal with that he does; and what doesn’t cause me stress that causes him stress. The absence of this constant burden is what makes me privileged.
I know what it means not to have to think about health. That’s because I have experience not having that privilege. I know personally that for anyone with a life-altering health condition -- whether mental or physical -- it literally takes over. Through the worst of my battles with Ulcerative Colitis, I couldn't even remember what it was like not to have to plan super-carefully before even leaving the house. I couldn’t fathom being in a public place and not being acutely aware of every bathroom or every shrub or secluded area I could use in a crisis. I still think about these things, but I’ve had periods of health when I don’t have to think about them, and for those times I have a heightened sense of gratitude.
Money is another thing that’s a privilege to not have to think about. I have close friends who span the financial spectrum -- from making what some of us do as women playing professional soccer (which is often not enough to live on) to those who are multi-millionaires. What strikes me most about the difference in these groups when it comes time to make decisions is what factors into the decision-making. Money is simply not part of the conversation with some people, while money can’t not be part of the conversation with others. If you can make decisions in your life without considering money, you are very fortunate.
A while back, I read an article about decision fatigue.
“Decision fatigue is a psychological phenomenon surrounding a person's ability or capacity to make decisions. It is also called ego depletion. The theory surrounding decision fatigue is that a human's ability to make decisions can get worse after making many decisions, as their brain will be more fatigued.”
The more you don’t have to think about, the better you can think about the things you choose to think about. Those things may even include self-help and personal wellness. I realized this year how much of a privilege it is to be able to work on those.
Human nature doesn't allow us to constantly be conscious of all the things we don’t have to think about. But it’s valuable and important to consider them every so often, or as often as we’re able.
We should aim to remember to be very grateful for what we don’t have to think about.
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