I lived most of the past 10 years in the same way that I lived the previous 10. Those years can be summed up perfectly by a quote from Tony DiCicco that I heard his son Anthony DiCicco share at the 2018 United Soccer Coaches Convention.
“Dream big.
Dream in vivid detail.
And dissolve yourself in the process of living that dream.”
2019 served as my awakening from a 20-year exhilarating, complicated, at times painful, but all-together wonderful dream.
In dissolving myself in the process of living my dream, I learned an incredible amount about the dream itself, MYself, and the transition from one dream to the next.
This is my summarized version of 10 things I learned in the past decade:
1. Not everything goes according to plan. I had my whole life laid out from the time I was 12 years old. The biggest thing the past 10 years have shown me is that while you can choose what you do, how you act, and who you are--a combination of luck, timing, fate, and the will of a higher power (or however you choose to view it), play a huge role in the end results. Sometimes, this works in our favor, and sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, our character, faith, energy and spirit are the only true controllable aspects of our plan.
2. I only know one way of doing things. Quite simply, I don’t do things I’m not passionate about. It’s not a conscious choice. It’s just the way I am. Whether it’s my job, a pastime, a relationship, or anything else I’m involved in, I either do it with passion or not at all.
3. Things don’t always turn out okay. I entered the decade with the prevailing notion that things always simply turn out for the best. This life view was first shaken when I played in Russia for a month and felt scared for my personal safety on more than one occasion. I’ve realized that sometimes things happen that aren’t okay. Sometimes people get sick and don’t get better. Sometimes we feel pain and there’s no silver lining. What I’ve taken from this is that the power of love and camaraderie can help to see us through.
4. Starting a business requires a lot of faith. I’m not joking when I say that I didn’t know what a business was when this decade started. Fast forward 10 years, and I’ve started 2 organizations: Techne Futbol and the NWSL Players Association. A startup business is essentially a maximal investment - not necessarily always financially, but energy-wise, emotionally, and even physically - based solely on the vision of a future that is not promised. I have poured thousands of hours into building something that initially no one else could see. That is scary. And also what makes it fun.
5. There’s no universal definition of good health. I despise when things aren’t black and white. But I’ve learned that we are never completely healthy, nor are we ever completely sick. Through my own experiences with my physical, mental, and spiritual health I have found that things I once swore off can be my saving grace. My healthy option shifted from wheat bread to white (due to a need to reduce fiber intake). From exercising intensely to staying in bed. I’ve accepted that throughout my life, what’s best or good for me may change.
It’s much easier to create hard lines to follow, but I’ve learned to accept the gray areas. Throughout this decade, I’ve been hospitalized for pneumonia, struggled through a long flareup of Ulcerative Colitis, and confronted some astronomical stress levels, as well as anxiety so bad I almost couldn’t leave home. I’ve also been at the peak of my footballing career, and blown through what I considered to be my limits on speed, strength, and fitness. I’ve experienced new levels of inner peace and acceptance, while totally revisiting my perception of “normal.”
6. Having a dog is truly a blessing. I didn’t grow up around dogs and honestly never paid any attention to them. Having my own has opened up a whole new world of understanding contentment, loyalty, and unconditional love.
7. Marriage is terrifying and amazing. I have absolutely no problem making commitments. When I was 9, I committed to my life’s work. So, I was thrown off-guard by how nervous I was on my wedding day. Getting married - promising your forever to a consciousness that is not your own - is by far the most intense and insane commitment I’ve ever made. The gravity and beauty of marriage truly took me by surprise, which is strange for someone as prepared as I usually am.
8. For busyness, the limit does not exist. I’ve finally simply stopped saying, “When things calm down I’ll...” I’ve realized that at a certain point, if you’re ambitious, things don’t calm down. They get busier. You learn to cope and be more efficient, and then you can get even busier. I’ve also realized that being responsive and reliable has no correlation to being busy. Some of the busiest and most important people I know are also the most responsive.
9. I’ll always be a footballer. 2019 was the first year since I started playing this sport that I wasn’t on a team. It was a very strange feeling to consider my identity — not just how I introduce myself in a room, but what I think of first when I wake up, how I arrange my priorities, and how I interact with the game I love. At times, watching the game made me sad. Thinking about not playing on a competitive team anymore made me sad. But then I came to a realization: I was a footballer long before I ever signed a pro contract, and I’ll be a footballer long after. My relationship with the game doesn’t require playing on a team or training every day. I’ll always be a footballer.
10. The time is now. As the past 10 years progressed, I started to see how much of what I was doing was for some future potential that may or may not exist. Because, after all, not everything goes according to plan. I would train to influence my next season and hope to get a shot with the National Team. I started my business to eventually have minimal work with passive income. I was grinding and grinding without ever coming up for air. Being sick finally made me ask myself, “What is my endgame? What is all of this for? What if I was the best player in the world? What if my business was hugely successful and I had plenty of money and minimal work to do?” Then what?
Many of us have things we do - no matter how much we may enjoy them - that are sacrifices with the hope of some future result. I believe that in the past 10 years, I overdid the sacrifice part. I’ve learned to better identify and balance these sacrifices. And while I’m still happy to make them, I’m also exploring how to be content in the now.
