“How is being a new parent?!” That question can certainly be a loaded one.
The simple answer is: “Oh I LOVE it! It’s the best and most beautiful thing I’ve ever done. I am so grateful.” And that’s the truth--the most important truth. But it’s also not a very complete answer, as another answer can also be true: “It’s great, but it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
I’ve been asked what’s most difficult or challenging about my new role, and have struggled to pinpoint it, but I’m reminded of a soccer analogy (I know, weird, right?!). In soccer we talk about a player’s stamina and productivity on the field based on how many actions they’re able to execute within the 90-some-odd-minute game. And beyond that, performance is analyzed based on how many of those actions they execute well or successfully.
In parenting, my actions per day (APD - I've coined a new term!) have probably increased by 5-6x since my daughter Aria was born. And for those of you who know me, that’s saying a lot! I pride myself on being as efficient and productive as possible, and prior to having Aria, I already lived a life without much down-time.
Like so many others, since becoming a parent, my APD stat has shot even further through the roof.
Between feeding and caring for her, playing with her, feeding myself (if I have time), running Techne, advising for the NWSL Players Association, and other normal activities like brushing my teeth or showering, (with the faint hope for a little exercise or soccer-playing), I’m basically maxed out every day.
Add in the glorious unpredictability of life with a baby, and it’s really a lot to manage! Especially for those of us who pride ourselves on being efficient.
For reference, here's a typical morning for me (and so many parents I’m sure), all completed before 9 a.m.:
(Depending on the day and his work schedule, my husband Aaron has a similarly long list)
5:45am (ish) - if the time starts with a 6 I do a silent celebration!
Wake up because I hear Aria making noise
Go to the bathroom (yes, that counts as an action)
Pick up Aria from the crib
Nurse her
Change her diaper and dress her
Put her in her high chair and put on her bib
Prepare her morning food
Feed her (requires extra patience so counts as more than one action)
Get a warm cloth to clean her off
Put away the dishes from the dishwasher
Make her food for the day
Clean and sanitize my breast pumping equipment
Pump
[somewhere in here my husband Aaron has made me coffee and I've picked up Aria's toys off the floor for her no fewer than 6 times]
Wash the breast pump equipment
Drink some water and take my daily medicine
Get dressed
Brush my teeth and make myself look minimally presentable
[on a good day, eat some breakfast]
Change Aria
Put Aria in her stroller and bundle her up to go for a walk
Pack up everything for the day to go to my parents' house for work (very fortunately, they help watch Aria during the day)
Use the bathroom
Go for a family walk
9:00 a.m.
Leave home to start (ha!) my day
I think of APD as similar to a soccer player's output in a game. In general, the more actions one can perform, the better. But there's a point at which the graph begins to trend downwards in terms of quality and burnout can set in. I usually hit this point at least once every week now. At such time in a soccer game, I would be subbed out, and/or have a lighter session at training the next day.
With a baby? No such thing! Power through! It's certainly a new type of endurance for me.
Everyone's APD capacity is unique to them. An individual can increase their daily endurance -- just like a soccer player can improve theirs -- and parenting has certainly pushed mine to my limit.
Have you ever thought about your APD stat?