They say that you can’t control things, but you can control the way you react to them. Let’s be honest, though, most of us aren’t at the level to do that!! I often (on a good day) can choose my actions, but very rarely can I consciously choose my internal reaction to things.
The more personal to me, or the more I feel that something defines me, the less mastery I have over controlling my reaction.
I was out at the field with my training partner (aka husband), and it was a frustrating day. With quarantining and the winter weather in New Jersey, it’s been tough for us to play soccer very often, let alone do the type of training I’d usually be doing.
The result? My touch is off, the little muscles that can only be trained through playing are weak, and I put extra pressure on my once-a-week soccer outing to be great. As you can imagine, when it doesn’t go well, it’s a true joy for my husband to join me for these sessions... NOTTT!
This past weekend was the perfect storm. We hadn’t played the week prior, and the weather was beautiful. It was our time! But my expectations for the session were unattainable. I was fatigued, felt slow, incompetent - every element of a “worst nightmare” for someone who has spent the great majority of their life being fit and refining their skills.
But then, the most amazing thing happened. I was on the verge of tears and/or screaming. I tensed my body and clenched my teeth as I turned to run after a ball I wasn’t agile, or quick enough, to get to. And as I slowly dribbled it back, I simply made a decision. I wasn’t going to let that frustrated feeling ruin the beautiful sunny day on which most other things were great.
It was that simple. I sat for a couple minutes on the turf, took some deep breaths, and decided not to “fix” anything by going harder and training more. And I chose for the experience not to ruin my day. I’m both ashamed and proud to say that was the first time I’ve ever been able to do that.
It certainly doesn’t mean I didn’t feel like my more calm reaction was a cop out, or that I didn’t snap at my mom when she asked if playing was fun, but it was a breakthrough.
My life no longer needs to be governed by how refined I am as a soccer player. Yet even as I typed that sentence, I thought: “Am I sure I can actually say that?” But yes, I can. I can actually say that!