When people talk about the “sacrifices” it takes to play high-level soccer, I honestly never felt that way. It wasn’t a sacrifice because I was doing what was most important to me. I was always extremely clear on my priorities.
For 20 years, every day revolved around maximizing my ability to perform on the field. Ever since I was 12, my workout(s) or training were the staple element around which my day was planned. It was never hard to justify, or be motivated, and it became even easier when playing was my job as a pro.
More so even than my priority, training was my outlet and a source of joy, fulfillment, and purpose.
My transition away from that life has been pretty tough. It was mitigated for a while by being sick (the Ulcerative Colitis flare-up that caused me to step away from playing), and then by pregnancy, when my focus was still very much on my body and my health.
Now I’m in a new normal. With a baby, my work, and the general exhaustion of managing day-to-day life with a packed schedule, it’s hard to justify an hour of time to do a thorough workout or training session. And even harder to justify purposely making myself more tired!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not terribly out of shape. Most days I do some combination of walking (yes, I list that in my exercise routine now), yoga, strength training, running, or playing soccer. But it’s certainly not much, not consistent, and not building towards any goal in particular.
I always knew the life I led as a player wouldn’t be forever. However, I feel a deep sense of conflict over the role that working out should play in my new life. Honestly, even the fact I call it “working out” shows how much I’ve changed! In the past it was always “TRAINING.” I miss building towards physical goals, I miss refining myself as an athlete, and I miss playing the game. Training and playing was a very sacred part of my life.
I will always love the life I lived, and treasure the journey soccer has taken me on. Maybe I’ll never fully move past it—from bringing my ball with me under the stroller, to doing my ankle exercises while pumping, and using any 10-minute gap of time to get in a quick bodyweight or mobility session. And I most certainly have a list on my phone Notepad of the people I’ll contact to set up daily pickup games as soon as it’s safe to do that again.
I guess only time will tell what role this part of my life will take on…